Life status

It's killing me, I'm running in place. Stuck here in the same relationship, with the same friends everyone is to self absorbed, and the meds are starting to lose their affect. Don't get it twisted, i'm self absorbed too. only difference being that i peek out to look at the world every once in a while.

I feel low, like everyone I know is moving on, transitioning into new stages and levels of life. I'm working so hard, getting stronger trying to work the program not drink too much. Yet here I am feeling sorry for myself. Wishing I had just one person that could listen to me blather on about my feelings and all that rot. But those people left town and my life years ago. I stayed here. When will this stage end, when can I walk away confident that I explored every avenue every nook and crack?

I think I deserve better than the way I'm spoken to. People take things out on me. I deserve more than this job. More than these treacherous snakes I seem to associate with. I don't fit the mold, but here I am awkwardly stuffed in that fucking box no matter how I struggle I cannot get out!