I Am / I Was Somthing

I can recite ancient playlists, nodding my head because I've made sure only I get the gist. Put you on my list. What were we thinking. I gotta spend an entire afterlife with you assholes? No thank you! Being eclectic is enough.
If I could take it back I ask myself would I? Fuck yes in a minute, never to have seen her brown eyes. Never to have played the con-artist game. Yet I've done the most right clinging to my ideals. And suffered for being honest, And reaped the whirlwind with my lies begging and striving to hold on to what I believe. Even though I might have gotten it through ill gotten means.

But then there are those Starry eyed doxies with big brains and impossible desires. I would have missed out on. If it hadn't been for the liar. I'm told life is about the things that happen and not what we plan for, history is nothing but his story OR our story told over and over again through a different proxy and different machinations. I hate Lightening in a Bottle! I wish her nothing but what she deserves. But she gave me the courage every time to move on.

And I gotta move on. And I'm bad really bad at relationships, marble wrapped in a velvet glove. But I'm a lover, and the problem with being true to anyone; is that "I'm a lover", not a husband or a savior. I am now not forever. I'm always gonna love everyone. Smiles and tales will always break and invigorate my heart. Doesn't mean I'm good for you. Even when I talk about my hate.

When they were casting dick head roles in heaven I think I was the one to be like "Ooo' Ooooo, Me! " I'm the Humphrey Bogart of my generation. I know you girls need someone better. But my better is here dying on the page. I'm selfish, I try to care, and I do, but I care about everything and I really need to care about ME before I can fix/ or be/ or live in this madness. I'm sorry I wasn't better. I know I should be. And I should be writing something else rather than worrying about feelings and being misunderstood. But here we are… damn Yup here we are. I am Lucky to have known you all. But I can't hold on to me. No one can hold on to me.