Constat wanderings

What happens when you suddenly wake up to the reality that your focus has been on the wrong things in your life? When does enough pussy and partying become enough? When do you figure out that all your relationships have always been pointed toward getting affection, attention, and seeking out human contact to the detriment of your creative libido? My libido has sacrificed my happiness to attain momentary gratification, and once I get what I want that hole is still there. Beating, echoing like a cave glowing red with a heartbeat. Your ego wants, oh it wants so badly to have everything. And what do we gain from it? And what do have I sacrificed to get that momentary pleasure?
See to get what I want right now means that I have to look at what I've wanted for so very long. and that means affection without strings. A mate that can deal with idiosyncratic nature, or at the very least friends that take my flights of fancy in stride. Much like I take theirs. But the more I've left Anarchy behind the more it comes to play apart of my daily wanderings. I'm not sure if I like who I've been. Not sure if I like what is going on right now. But I know right now I'm on a cusp.


But on a different topic i want to make tiny black t-shirts for girls that say Fingering just happens. Saw a twitter post that said fingering was unhealthy for girls because there is more dirt, and bacteria under your finger nails than on a public toilet, that is why I always wash my hands and cut my fingernails. Yet fingering a woman isn't something you plan for, it's just something that happens.